nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

.

13, H, grate

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

I am below everything.

Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?

One of the birds shoots out of the tree.

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

propensity within someone

i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.

really i want the internet

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."

division of reality is straying away from it

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03

i am quite illiterate on producing technology

that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.

so at the end

something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

, something washing, cleansing, revealing, etc.

After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.