ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13

so at the end

i see a website

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

so an active mazelike process

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

much more tactility

something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

in a post. I want to be remembered

Imprint, memory, impact, representation, impression

I'm sat out the front of a cafe in Hatton Garden. I've just eaten a brie and bacon panini, and I'm rolling a cigarette. Feeling very London. An old man comes up to me and asks for a roll-up. I oblige.

It Will Get Lighter

The old failed actor genuinely believed this girl was of a lesser race. He believed she shouldn't be talking with me, shouldn't be here at this party, shouldn't be here in this country. He wanted a white England. I didn't really challenge him on it. Sometimes I justify it with thoughts like I was drunk, or baffled, or it isn't an argument I'll win, or he can't hear me anyway, or whatever. I didn't argue with him. I just cut off his rant and left with a pathetic "In a bit."

We look out over the river to a block of luxury flats built on the site of some old docks. It would be nice to live right there. Yes. The conversation drifts to the pleasantness of warm lighting and whether anyone needs a smart home. I interrupt her to make a joke about the French Raj as he runs up the causeway. We stand there laughing. The fireworks go off behind him.

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

He was a proper old-fashioned London geezer (cringe word, hate it, can't think of a better one, worst of all it's the correct word), kind of East Endy, kind of Real London, the kind you don't really meet but if you do it always feels like an uncanny immersive theatre experience. They're anachronistic. They only belong in the London collectively imagined by people who don't spend any time in it.

amazing hopefully this was all legible and frankly i might be going very off board but you seemed interesting

I'm getting bored and he can tell, so he shifts the topic towards me. He tells me he'd spotted me chatting to a girl earlier, a black girl, and asks what I thought of her, if I liked her. I mimed affirmatively.