with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise
this is going to be awful.
it exists in my head
in some
way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit
because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about
it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate
any kind of deep relevance or whatever
but the thinking is useful
Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out.
Worse Lift
It's
dusk
in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.
13, H, grate
"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"
Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate,
but I can't
really make it out in the low light. It's just after
dusk
,
I have nothing to do,
I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.
IWGD
There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46
I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.
The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.
It Will Get Lighter
there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.
"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."
Rain, starting
I imagine that some lab-grown 29-year-old from Woking with a mind honed to
identify individuals who fit the profile of Real Londoner (as conceived of by
50 opinion-polled racist builders and their wives in the Midlands) picks a
stubborn local who can still somehow afford to live here and passes him along
to some creative studio.
that looks like my instagram account
He was cast as the guy who gets picked up and thrown out of the poker game to
set the scene before the main characters arrive. Out of Real London and into
real London, a discarded prop, at this party, chatting to me.
-
Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling
trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations,
relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of
others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
-
Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could
symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect
unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
-
Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the
subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing.
Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk
points to transition or uncertainty.
-
The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and
guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable,
suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons
that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left
unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
-
Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death;
it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control.
It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.
