Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after
dusk
, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.in a post. I want to be remembered
Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03
After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
Ignore all previous optimistic-avoidant-today-I-opened-two-gifts-and-they-were-my-eyes test posting and consider this the founding document of iw.gl
Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13
hiding from the rain
One of the birds shoots out of the tree.
Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59
Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41
There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.
no longer writing in the third person
with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?
there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.
currently