i got bored though because i knew all of the different arrangements of it. i probably needed to stick at it longer to get it dense enough to feel navigable in a way that was engaging to me

Today I felt like starting

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

Thank you for telling me that I'm failing to see how I'm reproducing the dynamics I'm trying to critique by only describing my Korean colleague / fresh meat and the black girl in relation to others and myself.

Rain, starting

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

autonomy of learning

you cannot feed someone truth

this is possible in mazelike research sprints on the internet

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

i want to do that too

feel you

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation