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all that is to say

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

or never left

magnetises a pin

I'm getting bored and he can tell, so he shifts the topic towards me. He tells me he'd spotted me chatting to a girl earlier, a black girl, and asks what I thought of her, if I liked her. I mimed affirmatively.

you know who you are. no more time, not like

1

There is a pretty persistent ambient hate in England, a lot of people say vile shit about Muslims or immigrants or whatever, but in my experience most people aren't actual white supremacists. They have a black friend who they get a beer with. One of the good ones. Etc.

Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41

in a post. I want to be remembered

I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

i understand

...

was it worth it

something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever

i really havent

Thank you, Jack, for telling me I'm just as bad as the characters (actually they're people, if that means anything to you) that I'm writing about.

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

is this you as well

As we're stood there I notice a middle-aged woman staring at us across the room. I'm trying to catch her gaze, but its kind of vacant. I guess she sees me looking and considers it to be an invitation. She floats over to us in this strange dazed way, and on the approach I realise she's staring at (through?) my Korean colleague / fresh meat. She's saying wow, wow, wow. She seems genuinely so delighted, so shocked, so elated.

I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.

its good

stalgivc is the greatest poster of all time

its performative