I am below everything.

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

It Will Get Lighter

She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.

this is possible in mazelike research sprints on the internet

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

Rain, starting

December 2025

Worse Lift

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

It's

dusk

in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.

okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models

all that is to say

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

currently

something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

, something washing, cleansing, revealing, etc.

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50

there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.

in a way what we are really interested in with pedagogy is the magnetisation

i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything

magnetisation basically means the induction of divine form unto you