It's loud and he's gone deaf in one ear, so I don't think he's really hearing anything I'm trying to say. We're both pretty drunk too. It's making for a kind of surreal interactive Business Insider YouTube video of a conversation. He talks, waits for my response, sees my mouth moving but doesn't hear my words, then he imagines something in their place, and replies to that. At least I don't really have to do anything but drink and mime and listen to a lot of bullshit fake gangster talk, being an actor, boxing, the old days, blah blah blah.

it exists in my head in some way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate any kind of deep relevance or whatever but the thinking is useful

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

Rain, starting

no longer writing in the third person

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

FOUNDING DOCUMENT

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49

It Will Get Lighter

currently

what do you mean

Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?

hiding from the rain

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13

is everyoneback on tumblr now

Worse Lift

and the fake qualifier

ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

we can only engage in such a way

or never left

like first name

A roll of 50s is one of the items he dumps onto my table during the search. Of course it is. He asks if I'm a delivery boy or a setter or this or that diamond related job. I keep saying no, I'm enjoying hearing all of these new words. Eventually I tell him that I work in film, which is kind of true. He asks where I'm filming. I'm not filming. He tells me that I can't be that good at it then. He then tells me that he made a film once, in the 80s. It was called Pimlico Rats.

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

Like the tide, it comes in and it washes over the beach. It's beautiful. But like the tide it goes out, sometimes it goes out further than it ever has, it recedes back across the beach and further out beyond the horizon. The bare seabed opens up in front of you and all you can do is look at it.

yeah people dont get it they assume its ahnaf

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

.

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

the textwall is as much for me as it is for you

you know who you are. no more time, not like

1

. way too specific.